Giving Intentional Praise
Build intentional connection by using praise with your child. Praise can be used to express gratitude, affirm a child’s behavior or efforts, congratulate a completed activity, and show love. For praise to be meaningful, it should be given with the receiver in mind. How does this child like to receive information? What makes this child feel seen and heard? It shouldn’t be used or given to make the giver feel good, as that misses the point entirely.
Giving praise authentically and sincerely will make a meaningful impact and build relationship between the child and adult. Children sense authenticity and sincerity. They sense an adult’s intention and can feel confidence, fear, and trust. Watch your child interact with different adults. How does your child respond to a stranger’s question in the community? How does your child react to relatives? When your child is experiencing behaviors, which adult does the child listen to? If a child has rapport and a trusting relationship with an adult, the child knows he/she stands with that adult. It’s predictable and something the child can rely on in calm times and stressful ones.
Connection and relationship are essential ingredients for maintaining a predictable and supportive environment.
Learn how to build connection with your child by using these 9 simple sentence starters to show interest and express praise for your child’s efforts:
Intentionally Notice Your Child’s
Hard Work and Creativity
Your child is seeking validation and acceptance. Giving your undivided attention to your child (intentionally put your phone away and out of reach… sometimes easier said than done, but essential) shows you are interested in what he/she has to say. Your attention values your child as an individual. When your child shows you an art project, or a recent creation, build intentional connection and phrase your praise so that you are noticing your child’s hard work and creativity. Use supportive nonverbal body language (smile, get down on his/her level, look at your child).
“I notice you put a lot of effort into your …”
“You worked really hard on…”
Honor your Child’s Process
Don’t praise your child based on getting your approval. You want to build your child’s confidence and self-concept, and encourage their efforts for their own development and skill (not make them into adult pleasing beings for the sake of pleasing). AVOID using “I love that… or I like that”…which implies that the child is making something to please or satisfy you the adult. Instead honor your child’s process and support their thinking behind what they created. Build intentional connection and sincerely give your child your full attention. Ask:
“Tell me about your …” “How did you…”
Ask for Your Child’s Opinion
Children want to feel that their work is valuable and contributes to the greater good. They want to feel important and needed. Intentionally ask for your child’s opinion when you have decisions to make. Value your child’s input and follow through on some suggestions (like meal ideas or board game choices) and ideas. Identify your child’s strengths and empower sharing his/her voice to contribute. While you do this, you are indirectly praising them by showing you know your child in detail.
“What do you think about…”
“I want your opinion about…”
“How do you think we should…”
If your child made a special creation or received an award or comments on homework, praise with “you worked really hard on this” or “how does this make you feel?” or “thanks for doing your best”, and then ask about what they want to do with it. Find out what your child values as far as sharing their work. For some children, displaying work out in the open (on the fridge for example), is empowering and builds confidence. For some children, that may be too much attention on their work, and the extra praise for displaying it somewhere for many to comment on it may be embarrassing.
“Where do you want to put ..?”
“What would you like to do with …?”
Find more resources and courses at stacytriplat.teachable.com and stacytriplat.com. Have a topic you’d like to learn more about? I’d love to hear from you! Click here to email me with suggestions and feedback.
